Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
