i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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