??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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