I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
