summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
