Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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