How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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