dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
then he tried to convert me to islam
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
