life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
