so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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