i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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