My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
