i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
