I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
