Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
