Dual....:-)
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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