he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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