it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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