Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
