dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
