Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I have feelings that need drinking.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
