Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize