Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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