I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
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That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
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So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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