you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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