I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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