my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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