question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
