Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
