he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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