Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
