I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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