I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
