i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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