i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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