My room smells like vodka and shame
I think my vagina is haunted
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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