I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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