I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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