if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
