happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize