my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize