I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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