The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
