In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
