Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
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I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
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I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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