I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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