Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
