Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
