Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
