He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
we're making bets on your personal life
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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