So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
