: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
