and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I look excited, but its just a facade.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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