apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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