just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fill condoms, not promises.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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