apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
