Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
