Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
