I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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