We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
