Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
