Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
