he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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