You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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