Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How external is "for external use only"?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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