I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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