no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
