Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
