Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
