I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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